Prefer to Listen?
“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.”
This little rhyme most of us learned in elementary school seems harmless, but it isn’t rooted in truth. The fact is words do hurt, and sometimes deeply. They can also heal. Even the absence of words can wound or restore. Words are a powerful tool.
In her book Redeeming Power, Diane Langberg shares some sobering insights into the power that our words hold for good and evil. Language can shape how we see others, subtly reducing them to something less than human. Over time, this kind of thinking can justify horrific actions such as abuse or even genocide. Our words matter because people are made in the image of God, and how we speak reflects how we value that image.
Scripture speaks strongly about the tongue. James writes:
“For every kind of beast and bird, of reptile and sea creature, can be tamed and has been tamed by mankind, but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse people who are made in the likeness of God. From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. My brothers, these things ought not to be so. Does a spring pour forth from the same opening both fresh and salt water? Can a fig tree, my brothers, bear olives, or a grapevine produce figs? Neither can a salt pond yield fresh water.” (James 3: 7-12)
Controlling our words is not easy. It requires discipline, practice, and maturity, and even then we fall short. Our natural tendency is to speak words that make us look better or soften the harm we’ve caused. Even the most mature believers still struggle with their words, especially in moments of emotional distress or conflict. True control of the tongue comes only through the grace of God.
We can continually practice speaking healing words, as Peter reminds us,
“Whoever desires to love life and see good days, let him keep his tongue from evil and his lips from speaking deceit; let him turn away from evil and do good; let him seek peace and pursue it.” (1 Peter 3:10-11)
One helpful discipline is pausing before we speak and asking: is it true, helpful, necessary, and kind? Even then, sometimes our words may be misunderstood or turned into a cause for conflict. When that happens, we are still called to pursue peace by continuing to speak with kindness.
Silence can be just as dangerous as careless speech. Failing to address sin, refusing to stand up for the vulnerable, or withdrawing to avoid discomfort can all cause harm. Silence can even become a means of control used to manipulate a situation, punish another person, or abruptly end peacemaking efforts. While there is a place for prayerful, intentional quiet, unhealthy silence often disguises itself as a “boundary” when it is really avoidance. Rather than making peace, it can draw out a conflict.
The Bible has a lot more to say about our words. When God says a lot about something, we probably should listen.
Controlling my words is still something I am learning, but by God’s grace, I am learning. I pray daily for grace and wisdom in my words so that I can build others up instead of tear them down.
Matthew offers us caution to be careful with our words,
“But I tell you, on the day of judgment people will give account for every careless word they speak, for by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned.” (Matthew 12:36-37).
Leave a Reply